Lenkope

Lemoshan is my sponsor child from Kenya. He is 5 years old and such a riot. He wrote me a letter a few days ago and this is what it said..

Hello Farid Miss Sara,
I am very, very very happy that you write me. I love to get receive mail. I am doing good in school and I like cows very much. But all the animals in my land have migrated because of the drought. There is no rain and only dust. I like school and I want to be a teacher when I grow up. Thank you for your sponsorship, very much.

-Lemoshan Lenkope

He then draws me a picture of a cow that looks more like a fallen over corn stalk to me. But truth be told it is better than any piece of art I think I've ever seen in my life.

But, it got me thinking. This piece of paper (that is actually the letter AND the envelope all in one) is so dirty and thin, like tissue paper. This same piece of paper that I hold in my hands in my nice home with all the luxuries of a Canadian life came from Africa, from Kenya. From a remote village with no electricity, heat, proper shelter and likely only a handful of food varieties. It probably still has pieces of his skin tissue on it. (creepy?) To know that just a few weeks prior his eyes saw this very paper that I hold... Gah its just such a powerful moment. Here I am, worried about tuition and rent. Gas prices and getting new winter boots and that new coat I've been eying down in the mall.... and Lemoshan..... Lemoshan wants a cow.

A cow.

But he can't even see a cow cause they're all gone, because there is no rain and the land is dry. Sometimes I wonder why I live in a place where its surreal to even entertain the idea that I would want a cow and cant even see one, let alone have one because the land has no grass because the skies hold the rain. Like... what?....?!

I love him, and I dont have to think twice about it. I often think of him, and what he's doing. Is he playing soccer or dreaming of being a teacher? Where does he rest his head at night? Who is his best friend? What do they laugh at and find funny? This morning in my car I asked Jesus to help me love uncontrollably like He does. I think I am starting to understand what that feels like. I think He is showing me what that looks like. Sometimes I feel like moments in my life linger, and they give me strength as they push and pull around in the space inside me. Holding this letter, is one of them.

I wonder if I'll write this post and forget all about his tiny heartbeat. And if not him, the millions of children like him all over the world.

Ughhh. What the frig am I doing with my life?


-S

Simplicity

Fall has got to be one of the best times of the year. The warm sun shines its face during the day and a cool (almost too cool!... HA! get it?!) okay, lame.. but cool breeze gives you just enough chill to snuggle deeper into your hoodie till your body temperature is contently toasty. Mmmm, I love that toasty feeling. It's got to be one of the best feelings ever. But among toasty feelings, I love...

- being the passenger of a moving vehicle, aircraft, boat.. anything that isnt stationary
- showers, warm ones in the winter and cool ones in the summer
- being submerged in large bodies of water and realizing just how small you really are
- laughing till you feel like your teeth are dry or your lips are chapped, and hearing people- just ordinary people laugh. it always makes me laugh too!
- late night adventures
- hair, specifically my own (RIP)
- rings, and nail polish that makes you taste the flavor of the color you're wearing in your saliva
- grapefruit... anything... creams, body wash, the fruit, the color of it, the way the name lingers
- food.. oh Lord... steak, wings, ribs, fruit (blue-black-rass-berries), cake, cookies (soft ones), tea, asparagus, green beans, butter, fresh bread, stroopwaffles, cheese (mmm, gouda), tiger shrimp, banana choc-chip pancakes, cream of any sort, beer (dont judge me), pizza lunchables... this could go on forever.... seriously... bah food is so good!!
- sleeves that are too long
- the sound, the feel, the power, the mercy, the endless passion of rain drops from mother sky
- flowers of any shape, color, and form
- every single string on my guitar
- snails
- reaching down and digging your hand into the snow behind you as you feel the rush of racing down a hill on your snowboard

... wow this list could go on and on. But it just goes to show how simple the true pleasures of life can be. The best things in life... are rarely ever things. Really, I'm so blessed. I see in vivid color with both eyes, I breath and inhale the air of earth with 2 lungs, I listen to the sound of heartbeats with 2 functioning ears that require no assistance. I walk the journey, and run the mile with 2 legs that have yet to fail me... I FEEL with a heart, that is alive. I have a family that loves me, I have friends who support me, and I have the love of Christ that dwells in me. What more could I possibly want?

The world simply has nothing to offer me that I don't already have.
Suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


Love,
-S

If somebody is anybody, then everybody is somebody.

throughout the last few years, my parents have made it their life purpose to constantly remind me that they just know that some day I am going to "BE A SOMEBODY!" woowoo, imagine THAT! and.... I know it's compliment, meant to encourage and sustain me for a little while longer...a reminder that these hard times will someday melt away to bigger things, that I will somehow break through the ice and step up my game, so I can finally fulfill my lifelong goal, and "be a somebody"

but it frustrates me that apparently, I'm not "a somebody" already. cause I mean....

more than a certain number of people don't know my name (like enough to count on my fingers and toes, family included)
I've never had a best selling .... anything...I have never been on the front page of ..... anything
I still fall for people who don't know I exist. and of courrrrrse, the obvious, is that I'm quite young, a bit too young to be considered "a somebody" just yet.

because of these things, it is silently, unanimously decided that I am not "somebody" enough to be somebody yet. but of course, they say, I shouldn't let these minute details defeat me or be a setback, because I have potential.

thats another word that I hear a lot... it's a word that means "just try harder"
a word that is meant to push us forward, to inspire us to turn all that "potential" into raving success and worldwide recognition and fame. because by transforming that "potential" I will finally be a "somebody". because really, isn't that what we all posses this ‘potential’???

gah.. its all just so dumb. who comes up with this stuff anyway?

I really feel like this is why so many of us have lost hope in us, lost hope in... hope.
we have been working so hard all our lives just to be somebodies, so blinded by our own ambition and frustrating pride that we haven't even tapped into the fact,
that life isn't full of lovely people who don't own a problem or wierd eyebrows. who don't struggle with school, look funny, or say awkward things

and perhaps if we could just recognize the power in our small roles, we would know that we don't have to fight for recognition, and that WE ARE SOMEBODY, ALREADY.

but then theres the media... which harasses you everywhere you go... I see all these big shots... who in all seriousness... seem to have it all. and everyone just wants to be like them. to wear expensive clothes, and adorn themselves in the praise of man...and could care less about whats in their wallet. if they can afford a subway combo, or just the sub. if movies on saturday is an option due to crazy gas prices and 11 dollar movie tickets. who drive bentleys, lambos and maserati one-77's. who boats are bigger than my house... with their last names on it, or throw the coolest parties in their abode with 6 car garages and 3 ¾ pools, their own private jets and all that jazz. who seem to hangout with all the best looking ladies and gents... and manage hundreds of aspiring somebody wannabees. well.. you know what?
lucky them.

I suppose a lot of people don't realize that the absolute truth of this entire freaking matter ...
is that we are ALREADY SOMEBODIES.

I may not know much... actually... I know jack all aside from my 700 dollar text books that teach me how to feel stupid and fail exams..... BUT!! I DO know, that the secret to being a somebody is BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE ALREADY, and not living to be one and prove yourself

you know.... there is a lot to be said for fame, there is a lot to be said for obtaining ridiculous amounts of wealth, power, truth, reality and recognition, but I will not be changed, I will not change who I am to be a somebody, and I know that,that I can keep myself in my own pocket. besides, why is there such a great focus on the physical anyway? is that all we are, flesh and blood? nothing more? have we no ability to feel, to be, to act, to dream..? are we incapable of thinking, reasoning, and rationalizing? bah

I believe there is something powerful about being a bit of a loser by someone (everyone) elses standards sometimes, waking up and knowing you're going to be late, not looking stylish all the time, not having it all together, bringing lifes truest AUTHENTICITY to the plate. yet STILL living true to yourself, and being SOMEBODY-- despite people, seventeen, and cosmo informing you that you're not. who the frig cares if you don't have the perfect body or flawless skin to show that you are making a difference?

because it's not about that
and if it is, it shouldn't be.
and when it is, I WONT BE.

really,we are all somebodies.,
despite them.
and if they can't see that,
they can go complain--
to SOMEONE ELSE.

from who you are, to what you've been, to when you become what you were meant to be....

just keep it real, if its all you ever do


XO.xo
-S

Life on 43 Rice Drive

Tell me tell me tell tell tell me summer isn't over! Whaaaat?! I swear I finished my last exams, cried tears of sincere joy, drove home and packed my bags and moved back into the Oaks.. only to sleep and wake up and be back at school! How did this happen?! Goodness. But really, my summer was awesome probably one of the best yet. I got to work with one of my best friends at a wicked sweet job, with staff who encouraged me more than I can say. I got to run around with little asian kids and do peace signs yelling "KOREA". I turned 19, which doesnt mean that I got trashed but had some good times out! I went to Cancun with my demonic sister and my lovely mother... But now I am back to life on 43 Rice Drive. And, it's alright. I am making some positive changes this year at school, primarily to my eating habits. No- I am not planning to eat healthier, or eat less... or even more. My first goal is to actually EAT this year and consume food rather than starving myself.

Yes, I think this is good thinking.

I like living here, its quiet. I dont think I could do school at home, as much as I would like. I get stuff done here and I am not distracted. It is lonely and such at times but I would rather be lonely than fail school. It's a nice home, with 4 bedrooms and it just FEELS homey. Even with my new house in Richmond Hill it doesnt FEEL like home. It isnt painted or decorated so it doesnt have that feel to it. But this place, its a few years old and so the owners have had time to make it nice. Anyway, I gotta dip out and start prepping for some classes. Here's to education!

XO.xo
-S