mine.

I suck I know!
It's been over a month.. I've just been so swamped with stuff its been intense. With school, reading week, my crazy trip to Miami.. its been hectic to say the least.
Miami was awesome, spending time with a great friend and good sun is always great. I feel extremely blessed to have had the opportunity to go and I am really, really lucky. We saw a lot of really rich people and celebrities and it felt.. strange. I've always kind of had a strange issue with super rich people. I know, its bad. But I cant help it. I feel strange... I feel like the 500 thousand dollar car they're sitting in could help so many small villages have access to clean water, so many students, buildings and schools, provide health care and medical attention... it's unreal.

and then I wonder how many things I have that I dont even really need that could do the same thing. We're all good people, right? We're all willing to help right? Until it costs us something. We love Jesus because He answers prayers and makes our wishes come true. But asking us to give up something we love, to surrender something we cherish, to give away something we hold dear... to make SACRIFICE oh well then that's too much cause nobody wants to come out of their comfort zone.

Why is that? Why am I so selfish? Everything has to benefit me and if it doesn't I won't do it. I look at my prayer life, almost everything and everyone I pray for somehow someway in turn affects me. It all leads back to me. How often do I get on my knees for a lady I met in a coffee shop who seemingly had a bad day? Do I beg Jesus to reveal Himself to her like I beg Him for blessings in my own life?

Shameful.

I am kind of embarrassed to be admitting all this.. but I want to be honest, and real. I think that's the first step.. hopefully in the right direction.

Okay: faithfully, sinfully, disgracefully but true...

-S