Howdy!
well it's been quite some time since I last posted. summer was crazy busy... to say the least. between 2 jobs, many wonderful friends, and a family that's sometimes too good to be true-- I had little time for myself or even a computer. which I am kinda happy about but also not too happy about. either way its in the past and I can only think about today and wonder about tomorrow.

school started today, and this semester I have a pretty rad schedule.. I have class Tues-Thurs and a 4 day weekend! ya baby! I'm also living with a new roomy that I'm actually SO excited about. you know when you just meet someone, even sometimes just for a moment... but you know in your heart you'd be the best of friends if ever given the chance? ya, thats how I feel. pretty cool:)

other than that this ones just a quick update. more thoughts to come... hopefully....

with love, and a sore throat...
-S

Rise, and rise again. Until lambs become lions

YIKES! its been 24 days since my last post. I'm BAD! things have been so intensely busy.. it's not even funny. with 2 jobs I put in over 70 hours of work a week. crazy eh? woah! these past 3 weeks have just flown right by me. I've been in the forest, at church, at the clinic, movies, parks, bbqs, lakes, birthday parties, pubs (don't judge me!), restaurants, coffee shops, shopping malls, different houses of people I love, boating.. it's been a blast! I recently saw Robin Hood (side note: AWESOME movie, despite the critics, it was sick) and the tag line was 'rise, and rise again.. till lambs become lions.' it really really stuck with me.. for so many reasons. I guess it really means never give up. but it is such a profound way of saying it... because lambs will never become lions. but we are to rise, and rise yet again. there is so much going on in my life right now, areas that I feel like giving up on. turning my back because of discouragement in failed past attempts.

Jesus said He was the way, the truth, and the light.
interesting that the truth sets you free.. to the way.. and you walk the way, in light. if you subtract one of those things from the equation, it is no longer valid. you cannot substitute, add, or subtract to that... or to the word of God for that matter. either you are-- or you aren't.

either you stand strong and firm in your faith, or you do not stand at all. I read that in Isaiah chapter 40 last week. pretty legit...

sometimes I feel like giving up is easier than trying.
then I am reminded that Jesus died trying.

so I will rise,
and rise again.
Till lambs become lions.



in His grip,
-S

summer 2010.. WHAT?!

summer.
already.
this feels SO surreal. like I am about to wake up from this dream... I cannot even believe the summer is here. unreal unreal unreal! wow!

exams finished. that's all I have to say about that. unsure of how I did in a few classes, but I did my best. things were tough especially with Hunny passing.... I miss her so much. our house is 4 empty walls without her life in them. it is bizarre, and strange. I miss her so much, more than words can say. I don't think I will ever be okay with her gone, or not feel the pain of missing her. I think I will just learn to deal with the loss itself better. time heals all wounds, true story.

I am very excited for this summer though, should be a good time for sure. lots of plans and many more on the way. I am pretty stoked to say the least. I'll try my best to keep most of it posted here.. forgive me if I slack a bit.

till next time,
-S

because Happiness has a name

Hunny.

this week was probably the hardest, if not ever, definitely... in the last decade. our precious dog Hunny passed away. this was so very difficult, and overwhelming.. but it is better this way as she was in much pain. it is so incredibly unbearable to see someone you love in that kind of pain.. its unreal. I am away at school and so I wasn't around for much of it, including her being put down. my parents called me late (about 12 midnight) to say she got really sick in the hospital and they were going to put her down.. but I was in the library and my phone was on silent so I didn't hear it go off until it was too late... that was really difficult. this whole thing has just been a nightmare. I can't even really fully believe she is .. gone. like, she's not coming back and we wont walk, talk, roll and play together. but I certainly have some amazingly wonderful memories that I will forever cherish. this whole thing has made me realize how blessed we are to even breathe every morning, to have the love and health of those around us. we take that for granted... seriously. I know before Hunny was mine she was the Lords and He gives and He takes away.

I wrote a song for Hunny, but I don't have the best voice so I am going to ask a few people to sing it (after I teach them how I want it done) and see which I like best, and then record it. here are the lyrics, they're nothing special really... but it means so much to me.

my gift of love,
my gift of life,
you will be...
forever mine.
my gift of love,
my gift, of life
you will be...
forever mine.

[chorus]
and wherever you go
you will know
that we loved
love you, so
and wherever you go,
yes you know
that we loved
love you so


and though you're gone,
it's not for long.
time will pass,
fast so fast.
one day it'll be,
baby just you and me

[chorus]

your memory,
like a melody..
precious memory,
always a melody.


forever my, song
my heart, beat
baby go...
now you're... free


RIP Hun, you will be forever mine
-S

I'm sorry WHAT?!

April.
what?

it's all a conspiracy. there's no way its April 2010. September 2009 was only a few weeks ago.

true story

xx
-S

Please, won't you educate me?

Gah.
School. Is going to.
KILL.
Me.
Man oh man its such a love hate thing with school. I love learning and wouldn't want to not be in school but I hate every minute of being here and in this library! Ugh so terrible! I've been super discouraged these past few weeks cause I have actually been failing things, and I've never actually failed something. Not a quiz, or a lab.. or paper.. and I failed a midterm last week. It was one of the hardest things ever. It just makes you feel so useless and like.. useless. It sucks cause I studied a lot too and just... failed. Brutal. So many of us students are trying so hard just to make it. It's a battle, literally. Cause sometimes you can try and try and it's just not enough and it makes you wonder how much harder you actually need to try and so you try that much harder but seldom do better. Its discouraging... and a sucky feeling to say the least. I know I am ranting, sorry. I'm lame. But seriously to all my fellow students out there-- keep your head up! Dont give up and I think thats the key... just persevere. Cause really, what else are you gonna do? Quit? And just let all you've already sacrificed go down the drain? No way man! Keep at it. That's what I am going to try and do.

I want these 2 months to be over NOW but I know that they will be soon enough and that scares me cause there is so much that needs to be packed into my brain before then. YIKES!

I'm nervous. Really nervous. Like a nervous wreck.
Somebody pray for me!
I'm going crazy. Insane in the membrane.

Okay, lol I am officially losing it. Back to chem!

XOXOX
-S

mine.

I suck I know!
It's been over a month.. I've just been so swamped with stuff its been intense. With school, reading week, my crazy trip to Miami.. its been hectic to say the least.
Miami was awesome, spending time with a great friend and good sun is always great. I feel extremely blessed to have had the opportunity to go and I am really, really lucky. We saw a lot of really rich people and celebrities and it felt.. strange. I've always kind of had a strange issue with super rich people. I know, its bad. But I cant help it. I feel strange... I feel like the 500 thousand dollar car they're sitting in could help so many small villages have access to clean water, so many students, buildings and schools, provide health care and medical attention... it's unreal.

and then I wonder how many things I have that I dont even really need that could do the same thing. We're all good people, right? We're all willing to help right? Until it costs us something. We love Jesus because He answers prayers and makes our wishes come true. But asking us to give up something we love, to surrender something we cherish, to give away something we hold dear... to make SACRIFICE oh well then that's too much cause nobody wants to come out of their comfort zone.

Why is that? Why am I so selfish? Everything has to benefit me and if it doesn't I won't do it. I look at my prayer life, almost everything and everyone I pray for somehow someway in turn affects me. It all leads back to me. How often do I get on my knees for a lady I met in a coffee shop who seemingly had a bad day? Do I beg Jesus to reveal Himself to her like I beg Him for blessings in my own life?

Shameful.

I am kind of embarrassed to be admitting all this.. but I want to be honest, and real. I think that's the first step.. hopefully in the right direction.

Okay: faithfully, sinfully, disgracefully but true...

-S

the art of Procrastination. at its finest.

ever just sit and count the things you're supposed to be doing at this very moment,
*sigh* to yourself
and just think... "who cares?"

and really, who does care?

I've been procrastinating so much recently, I think I could make a living out of it. or start a business, or write a book. I've mastered this fine art and am willing to give free lessons.

step 1- carelessness
step 2- irresponsibility
step 3- laziness
step 4- relaxation

I'm really going to regret all this when midterm season rolls around in a few weeks.
yikes!

slacking,
-S

the earth will shake.

Haiti.

freedom. rubble. song. dust. imagination. setback. honesty.
conquer. money. power. peace.
hands. children. daughters. books. mothers. fathers. lovers. tears.
games. heartbeats.
decade(s).
believe. 11 thousand US soldiers.
nurses. UN. running.
barefoot. blanket. sea water.
water.water.water.
dry. Canada. filth. USA. help.
school. pictures. unity.

faith.
because He will reign forever.


where do I stand?
-S

Caught in His Grace

you know what I love?

that a little faith is enough.
to watch mountains lift and move.

I love that without a single word, thought, or any physical matter; He knows all of the emotion in my heart.
I love that losing myself and all I've ever known only results in the a gain that gives and gives a thousand times over.
I love that my failure and weakness are overpowered, by power itself.
I love that truth sets me free, and love conquers all.
I love that His glory and power speak for themselves and need no defending.
I love that it's just not about me.

I love.

I'm suffocating.
in LOVE. that lasts.

by the Glorious unseen Himself



consumed,
-S