Remember when it rained?

When you try your best but you don't succeed is a hard place to be in. All the frustration and discouragement take a toll on your self confidence and you're left feeling extremely inadequate and incapable.

I just got a midterm back today, that I for sure thought I aced. I was so sure of it.. I can't even say. I had confidence I knew what was going on and I was understanding of the course material and the questions presented.

But I was wrong. I was mis-taken.

I ended up with a 60 on my midterm, worth 30%. And everyone says that there will be second chances, and a time to renew myself. But they dont understand that my grade has already dropped 10% lower than it could be because of this grade. Which in turn affects my GPA by a few decimal places, which in turn affects the kind of programs I can apply for after my undergraduate, which ultimately decides the job I posses and how I live the rest of my financial life.

It's hard.

What's worse and even more hurtful is that the REASON I did so badly on this midterm was because of the short answer section. I had a solid understanding of MCQ (multiple choice questions for all you lucky people who dont use that term) The short answer part I failed, like, below 50%. And when going through it I realized that I had ALL the right answers.... But how can that be? I literally failed. I asked my prof, and she told me that my answers were not specific enough. That diagrams had to be labeled, when the question did not even call for a diagram. That my sentence structure suggested a very simple explanation. I felt like I was fighting tears because I knew all of it. It was so clear and evident that I really did know what I was talking about and my explanations proved I had a consistent understanding of the structure and mechanisms required of me. But due to my wording, and lack of detail I failed.

It's so frustrating, because it's not like I failed to study. It's not like I failed to use my time wisely. I made my sacrifices and I suffered through the books, slides, long nights, early mornings, stressful days in order to posses the kind of knowledge it takes to do well. And I fell short. It's really a low feeling to be honest.

I take this post out of context and apply this emotion to other places and different faces. When a boy lies to you; when he loves you but is seeing another girl. When he breaks up with you for her and makes you feel like all you had together was worthless-- it's low. When friends aren't who you thought they were, and cant distinguish between the truth and lies-- it's low. And without a doubt it will take its toll.. because you made your sacrifices, just like I did. You tried your best, but did not succeed.

It is weakness, it is hopelessness, it is insufficiency that completes the power of Him who fills everything in everyone.

*sigh
-S