Boy Rules and Regulations

This is to all my ladies, who have loved, been loved, and been hurt by the infamous stupid boy. Ladies, I have (through my infinite wisdom) compiled a list of rules we are to abide by until we are either legitimately dating on our way to marriage.

The Rules:

Rule #1- Boys are stupid. Understanding this foundational rule will further increase your life expectancy and emotional stability by 10+ plus years. Studies show most women live phenomenally and joyfully in and out of relationships once this rule is implemented in each and every scenario involving a boy.

Rule #2- DO NOT fall in LOVE until a ring (large, grossly large with multiple immense diamonds all over it) resides on your ring finger. This rule must not be violated even under death sentence.

Rule #3- Ladies, be patient. Repeat things, he does not speak English or any other language for that matter. He is also illiterate. And stupid, refer to Rule #1.

Rule #3- You are not allowed to look deep into his eyes because you might fall into his soul and that might lead to the violation of Rule 2. Dont do it!!!

Rule #4- Do not let him within one whole meter of your face, or any other body part. There are safety zones that shall be further discussed in another post but they more or less consist of arm touching (up to the elbows) and leg touching up to the ankles, if he touches your knee he has violated you and you should proceed to call 911, or me. Whichever answers first.

Rule #5- If he doesn't respond to a text message, you have absolute right to stalk and creep until you find out EXACTLY why he isn't responding. Be sure to lurk his facebook for details. If he ignores you it gives you complete right to enter stage 5 clinger mode.

Rule #6- If he ignores your call, call again, and again, and again. And, again... and again. Call until you've filled his voicemail or someone answers OR the phone just turns off. You have the right to annoy the hell out of him. This can be done multiple times a day, but only 20 times a week.

Rule #7- If he does not respond to your e-mails, or other internet messages, spend the rest of your life guessing his password and once you do screw his entire email, facebook, online life over. You may pull out all the embarressing (who cares if its true) stuff you want and post it anywhere public. Ruin his image completely. Make him suffer, who does he think he is not responding to your emails?!

Rule #8- Do not let him kiss you. If he tries, make sure he can't have babies. If he tries again, knife him. If he tries again, call me. But when I get there I expect to see blood drained from the punctures you've made with your knife, the minimum standard for this is 4.5L withdrawn.

Rule #9- If he lies to you about where he is, or with whom he is with call his parentals and scream like you're in labour. Shriek like its nobodies business, and then politely ask where he may be found. If they are unsure, say the last time you heard he was going to a casino or stripper bar or some horrendous place. Lies are completely valid.

Rule #10- IF HE DECIDES TO SEE ANOTHER GIRL....... KILL HIM. End his life. Jesus said it was okay for you to take a mans life when he plays with your heart and then proceeds to date another chick.



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I just burst out laughing. Oh the things some girls do! Hahaha, dont think I've done many if any of these myself... mostly because I was only ever in love once and I was too young to think of anything this amazinly evil. But I am sure you all know someone who is, or has done many of these crazy crazy things. Hahahah.... This is epic. Please do NOT actually follow any of these. Really-- just pray for him and be there when you can without being naive. Remember-- they're human too and just like we have our flaws they have theirs. Forgive them, if Jesus loves them then so can you. If He can forgive him in the same mannor He forgave you then follow in those footsteps.

All my single ladies, put your hands up.
WOAH, uh OH

LOVE, deeply, fiercely..
-S
XO.xo